Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
