I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
