If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
