Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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