I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
