this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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