people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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