He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
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Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize