Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
