Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's always time for handjobs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
