maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
