You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
