Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
