Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
