It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
