I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
