I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
