I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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