That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
