doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
