my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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