Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
