Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you inspire me to be a worse person
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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