I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
