Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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