hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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