I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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