thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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