yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
