also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
