Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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