wanna go halves on a baby?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
