I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
