too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
