i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
