the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
