dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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