Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
