Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
