can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
