Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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