If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
