Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
