your parents love me but you hate me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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