if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
