oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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