and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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