We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize