Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
