we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
