her vagine was all disorganized.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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