Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
