Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
