Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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