Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
