It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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