you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
