I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
