I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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