Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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