I got chris browned last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
