Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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