Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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