I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I pour the whiskey from now on