Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways