The maid of honor just puked.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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