I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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