dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Panties = found
Randomize
