I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
