why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
